Antonia Louise:
Wrapped in plastic and wrapped around my finger.
Antonia Louise (at least that's the name that appears on her license) is very pretty but she needed a lesson in good manners. I asked if I could buy her a drink and she ignored me. I asked again and she said no. I asked her what the hell her problem is. She think she's too good for me? She got all hot-headed. So she needed to cool down. In my fridge. Uppity as she was, I didn't want to be an ungracious host and didn't want her to catch a cold so I wrapped her plastic. Today's lesson: Next time a gentleman asks you if they can buy you a drink, Antonia Louise, you say yes.
My purty little caged songbird was screaming so loud that it knocked some pictures off the wall (photos of former tenants) across from the fridge so I figured I'd better calm her down..."Okay, okay, listen, Antonia Louise...I'll let you out. Chill out. Let's have some Circus Peanuts and mayonaisse and talk about why you're locked up in my fridge and, if you promise that you've learned your lesson, I'll call you cab and you can go home..." She looked all hopeful and got all quiet. I looked around the kitchen for a few minutes and said "Ut oh," and she wanted to know what was wrong. "Bad news," I told her, "I can't find the mayonnaise spoons. I think I might have accidentally buried them with your predecessor, the girl who was in the fridge before you was. So no mayonnaise spoons, no mayonnaise. I guess you're gonna have to stay here." She started screaming again, loud as ever, but I could hear her on account that I was laughing so hard. She sure were purty, but the girl had no sense of humor.
Now, I don't want anyone to think I've gone all sentimental but, yes, I did eventually poke an air hole in the plastic for her. I mean, it was Christmas after all.