ELA DARLING
Ela Darling were a vision of loveliness and whatnot. When I done seen her in broad daylight I done knowed that I had to get her in my fridge. When I done seen her by the light of the refrigerator, I knowed that I were a jeanius because she am so beeootiful that I am a jeanius to have done plucked her off the street like some kinda beootiful exotik flower and to have put her in my fridge so that I could done look at her whenever I want too. A man get lonely when all he got to talk to am 27 feral cats who only pay attention to him cause he feed them cubes of meat and circus peanuts, and when he only got inflatable farm animals to keep him company in the night and when all the other girls he done kept in his fridge have done moved out of the fridge and am now under the front porch. Ela Darling were like a dream come true. She were real nice.
Well, hey there, sleeping beeyooti. You come here offen?
She am beyootiful like an angel but lookin at her just done makes me wanna sin and whatnot.
I just gonna sit here eatin Circus Peanuts and watchin you sleep.
I'm just gonna sit here eatin' Circus Peanuts, watchin you sleep and huffin cleanin chemicals from under the kitchen sink.
You makin me hungry for more than Circus Peanuts.
Finaly you am awake. Whoops. I done accidentally took off all your clothes and chained you up and whatnot.
You gonna stay with me for a while, Ela Darlin'. I am gonna make pitbull bacon for you and a Circus Peanut omelet in the mornin' cause I am gonna treat you like a freakin' princess, you hear me? You gonna learn to love me and this here fridge.
NOTE: Ela now has her own website (Not Safe For Work) which you can get to by clicking here.