EVALENA MARIE
I am Evalena Marie's biggest fan. She's one of my favorite models of all time and I just couldn't wait to see her on the big screen when the new movie she's starring in, "Serena and the Ratts," comes out so I decided to see if I could arrange to see her in my fridge instead. On account of my being really clever and whatnot, I was able to find out where the movie was being filmed and from there it was relatively easy to just wait for a good opportunity to chloroform her, get her into the trunk of my car, back to my place, and into my fridge. I cleaned the fridge up real nice for my celebrity guest and just couldn't wait for her to wake up so I could get her autograph.
She sure is all beautiful and whatnot.
She'd been out cold for hours. I was getting impatient. Wakey wakey, Evalena Marie! When she finally came to and opened them pretty eyes, I told her right away that I was her biggest fan. I expected her to be all flattered and everything but instead she just starts screaming like crazy, just like they always do.
I start screaming right back, telling her to calm down and stop screaming but she keeps on screaming and I'm like
JUST CALM DOWN!
I just want your autograph. "Sign this!," I tell her. I'm so excited she's here and she's just as excited as I am and I'm like,
SIGN THIS!!!!
So her handwriting is all skaky but as you can see from the pictures she signed the picture and hit really is her signature.
Anyways, she keeps on actin' all nervous and wanting to know who I am and is all like "Let me out of here!" just like they always are. She comes off all calm and composed in the photos I seen of her but when I finally meet her and have here in my place she's nothing like I expected and no matter how many times I tell her I'm her biggest fan she doesn't calm down. She just needed to get used to her new home. Which she did, or so I thought. The next morning when I open the fridge door, she's suddenly all friendly and all smiling.
She says she was just initially surprised to wake up in my fridge but that she is really flattered that I've gone through all this trouble to meet her and that I'm such a big fan. She asks me if I want her to act out a scene from her new movie. Hot damn! As if I'd say no to that!
So, then she tells me that to act out the scene, she needs to be outside of the fridge and to have the handcuffs off and I tell her that's against the rules. She says she can't do it then and I tell her well okay. Just promise me you won't try to run away. She promises and I take off the handcuffs and right away she's swinging at me with those pretty little fists and I get all mad and put her back in the fridge and stick her in a straightjacket. I guess she'd been acting when she promised me she wouldn't try nothing like getting away. Mad as I was, I was pretty impressed with the acting job she done cause she sure had me fooled. And she's so pretty I couldn't stay mad for long even though acoupler days later she wouldn't even talk to me or look at me and was on a hunger strike but I know she's just playing hard to get. As far as I'm concerned, she's as crazy for me as Angelina is for Brad, even though he has more teeth than I do and probably a much nicer fridge.
