SHERILYN
IN "THE MONEY SHOT" or..."YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"
Now I try to never get too attached to the bad little girls who wind up in my fridgidaire but Sherilyn was different and presented a special kinda moral dilemma. I had to ask myself, do I adopt her, or marry her? She werent in my fridge for more than five minutes before I knowed Id fallen in love. Yes, in love. I coudnt help it. There was something special in the air. A whole lot of special somethings in fact...there was spit flyin from her dirty fithy pouty little potty mouth, the SMELL OF ALL THAT MONEY ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND IN HER PIGTAIL HOLDERS ($1,040 in COLD HARD CASH MONEY to be exact!), the smell of pitbull bacon fryin' in the pan, and the smell of something unidentifyable comin' off my overalls. And her. The SMELL OF FEMALE. I knowed I weren't sposed to fall in love with her but dammit I did and I had all that money and had huffed all them fumes from under the sink and before I could stuff some cash in her mouth to keep her from talking all dirty at me, cussin me out and making me think impure thots, I was hooked. Sure, shes young but life is short when that fridge door being inevertably shut for a few days is in your future (or lack of one, HAW HAW!). So I knew she was mine for keeps either way, daughter or bride, live-in-lover or under-the-lawn ornamentation, and so was all that dirty, filthy money, so I was having a goooooood Sunday evening, all things consittered. Don't she look real niiiice and cute wakin' up?
Confused...Awake in the above pitcher for about 10 seconds. I call it the "where am I" stage of wakin up in my fridg...
Sharp little thang. She figured out real fast that she was in a whole hog's trough of trouble! She was hot in my fridg so I cut out the fabric over her innocent little breasts...
"You only live once so off with them pants! Hell ain't for sure. It's only a chance!" That am one of favorite Mojo Nixon lyrics ever. Haw haw haw!
Tired and groggy? I gives Sherilyn a lolly...
And what does the spicy little piece of chicken do to say thanks?
She SPITS at me!
Now that werent nice. Nor called for. I told her, "You'll pay for this!" And then she did.
Dirty money in her mouth. She can't scream, but watch her pout!
She was getting hotter by the minute so I cut open her shirt a little more.
I wrote "OWNED" across her fourhead cause she mine.
I made up my mind and asked her to be my bride. With all them 20s stuffed in her pie hole, all she could do was grunt but I took that as a yes and we got hitched up. For our honeymoon I took her somewhere real niiiiiiiiiiiiice and I got the Polaroids to prove it! Comming soon, purty pitchers of Sherilyn in my crawlspace! YEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAW!
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